my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
