I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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