Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
