Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
