i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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