how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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