Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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