I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
