so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
