I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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