There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
