i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize