bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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