like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
