I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You are the jesus of drinking
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
