dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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