All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i dont even know how to be here
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
