I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize