now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
