i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize