pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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