the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Welp...herpes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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