I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize