i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
