Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize