mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
