I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
