It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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