Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
