Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
