I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
