we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
