how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
