I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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