I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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