I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
