party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
