This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize