Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize