Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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