So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
