we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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