Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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