I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dick very happy bro
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
