Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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