Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
