you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize