But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They are going to name an STD after you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
