ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
