I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
