What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
