just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
