Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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