respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
