So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
