I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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