I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
