I wish I only lived at night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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