We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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