Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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