And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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