I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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