There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
