I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
