Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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