Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
