I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
