Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
